Earlier this week, Srini over at The Skool of Life wrote and article entitled The Most Important Factor In Finding Work You Love. In this post, he talks about how society seems to be concentrating on guiding people towards the the safe alternative and avoiding the riskier, but maybe better, alternative.
The article got me thinking about being a dad and how we have to constantly battle the urge to keep our kids safe with the need to let them learn on their own. Do I let my kids do stuff that I know won’t work out for them, or maybe even hurt them, just so they’ll learn from the experience? What if I just prevent the situation and save them the pain? Would they learn what they need to learn?
The short answer to that question is No. You can only learn through trial and error. Do you learn how to write without scribbling on a piece of paper first? No. You scribble and scribble and eventually the scribbles take form. Before you know it, you’re writing full sentences.
It’s the same battle us dads fight. Let your kids learn the hard way – by making mistakes and self-correcting – or let them live life in a more protected state and maybe, just maybe, they’ll get lucky and pick up on what they need to know. But, maybe they’ll learn to rely to much on you and become lazy kids.
My father looked out for me, but he let me take my bumps too. And I do the same with my kids. I guide them in the right direction, but I’ll let them fail when I know the consequences aren’t dire for them. Leaning over a chair that will tip and potentially crack your head open? Damn right I’m going to stop you. Running around on the hardwood floor in socks where you might slip and land on your butt? No problem. You’ll learn.
It’s not just the physical stuff though – there’s a lot of of emotional and psychological things that your kids will go through in their lives. How will you react? Will you let them go through the trials and tribulations of broken friendships and puppy-love romances so they can learn how to handle the day-to-day trials of social life? Or will you protect them from the world – survey their friends, rate their romantic interests and guide them down the ‘safe’ path?
Every dad will have a slightly different reaction in every scenario. Some dads will be more protective in nature – shielding their kids from the evils of the world. Others will be more apt to let their kids find the world – scraped knees and broken hearts included. The dad who safely navigates these tough decision is the one who is going to have the best chance of having a well adjusted kid.
Are you that dad?
Are you willing to let your kid learn the stove is hot by touching it?
photo credit: The Suss-Man (Mike) via photo pin cc
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